Jimmy * Esther * Zeke * Lilly

First off, thanks to everyone who emailed me about my last post. I forget that not everyone has grown up with close connections to adoption like I have, and therefore does not have the same perspective as me.  (My sister and her husband adopted their first child when I was 14, so I always had wonderful feelings, and appreciation for birth parents, and adoption.) I was happy that so many of you emailed me to say that my last post was educational, and helpful. I should have written that post a long time ago, but I guess I thought you were all mind readers, or something ;)

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We had a fun time at Lagoon on Friday. Zeke wanted to ride everything, but then he found reasons not to after waiting in the lines. The boats were the first ride we tried. They were my favorite when I was little, and they are the mildest ride there. Zeke thought they looked fun, but when Jimmy was helping him in, he said, “What if it sinks when I’m in it?” We couldn’t convince him that they wouldn’t sink, so Lilly rode without him.

We were nervous she’d be scared, but Lilly was so happy, she loved the boats, and didn’t want to get out! It was priceless to see her cute face, happily riding in the boat ride that I loved so much as a child!

She was equally cute in the whale ride :)

Zeke did do the car ride, and he enjoyed it. He was so cute driving his car! He wanted to do the flying airplanes, but when he was going to get in, he said, “What if they drop really fast, and break?” It’s so funny because he’s such a thrill seeker, but he’s also so much like me in that he thinks about things a lot. I use to be afraid of rides breaking, or malfunctioning when I was on them too, and I’d pray before getting on that they wouldn’t break, and that we wouldn’t fall out.

Zeke really wanted to ride this one, but he was about 4 inches too short. I wonder if he would have changed his mind with this one because he was so persistent and hopeful that they’d let him ride it.

Zeke wanted to run in the water fountain, but only if Jimmy went with him.

What a great daddy!

The other day we all went to Zeke’s wart removal appointment. It was at a dermatology clinic we had never been to. We had been talking with the Dr. For a few minutes, Lilly was sitting on my lap, and Zeke was on Jimmy’s. Out of the blue the Dr. said, “Wow! She looks so much like you, and he looks so much like him, but he looks a lot like you too, but where did he get his blue eyes? …Oh, from his daddy.” It totally made my day! (So many people say Zeke looks just like his daddy, I love it!) Sometimes I let them know they were adopted, but other times, like this time, I completely enjoyed taking the credit for their cuteness. I am very open about our adoptions, and I am not saying I want to keep it in the dark when I meet new people, but it’s fun to publicly feel like their biological mom, because I love them both no different that if I had been.

I think it’s hard for me when it seems like people don’t think of me as their real mom. I know a lot of it is public misunderstanding about what adoption really is, so I try not to let their comments hurt my feelings. When people ask me how Zeke’s or Lilly’s real moms are doing, I want to reply, “I’m doing fine, thank you.”  I know it’s a lack of understanding about the correct terminology, but sometimes it makes me think, “Well what do you think I am, the fake mother? Because I don’t feel that way.”

We are forever grateful to our childrens’ wonderfully, amazing birth moms. Because of each of their sacrifices to put their unborn baby above the care of their bodies, emotions, even social acceptances, and more, they chose adoption. They chose us. Because of them, we are parents. Because of them, I am a mother. A real mother.

I can only imagine the misunderstanding that birth parents get when they share their experience with adoption. So much of it is lack of education about what adoption is. Zeke’s birth mom was over at my parents’ and our neighbor was over too. Our neighbor saw Sam’s cute baby, and asked if she had others, and Sam said, “Well, Zeke.” Our neighbor was really surprised,  and began asking all the wrong questions like, “Do you want to take Zeke back?”, “Are you going to give away your other baby too?” Samantha answered all of her questions very well. It wasn’t that our neighbor was trying to be offensive, but that she sees adoption as it’s portrayed in the media. I think that’s where it’s most frustrating for me because adoption is so natural, and normal to me. It’s one way that families are created, and to hear hurtful comments (usually unintentional), from people who don’t have experience with adoption, is really hard for me.

Here are a few of the biggest misuses of words when talking about adoption-

“Real parent” when referring to a “birth parent”, or “biological parent”

A better wording for “Giving a baby up for adoption” would be “Placing a baby for adoption”.

“Your child is adopted” should be “your child was adopted”. Adoption is an event, not a label. Our children were adopted as newborns. They are not adopted, they were adopted. (I know this is getting technical, and even I have caught myself using the wrong word here at time, but just a little FYI.)

This is something I am passionate about. I hope I am not coming off the wrong way, I originally just wanted to share how happy I was to get the comment from the doctor about our darling kids looking like us. I don’t get on my soapbox very often, but hopefully the next time you meet a family that came together through the miracle of adoption, you might remember something form this post. I love adoption, it is close to my heart, and I have strong opinions, and feelings about it.

Here’s my father’s day photo shoot. I think I got a few good ones, it was tricky.

Oh Zeke! :)

I like this one

Zeke looks cute in this one, but Jimmy and Lilly don’t look their best.

I love Lilly’s face in this one

Silly girl! She must get it from Zeke.

We couldn’t help but laugh, which only encouraged Zeke more, so this was the best I got of the two of them.